Metaphors can be helpful. They help us explain complex things quickly. When I say “The ball is in your court” I am able to quickly convey the fact that I am handing over my responsibility for something to you. We aren’t playing tennis- I’m just letting you know that something is no longer my problem, and therefore you should probably take action! When I say “Don’t quit your day job!” I really mean “You aren’t super awesome at that.” When we speak of work-life and home-life, we use the word “balance,” which is also a metaphor. After all, we aren’t talking about a real scale- we’re using “balance” to convey a more complex idea. But there’s only one problem.
Balance isn’t real.
I mean, it’s real if you are talking about being on a seesaw. It’s real if we are speaking about the number in your bank account. If you’re talking about your ability to shuffle from the nightclub to the taxi on Saturday night, I’ll give you that too. Yet when we think about all the demands of our lives, from client meetings, to getting the groceries, to remembering to ask our partner to take the car in for an oil change, to the eternal parade of dishes, laundry, and kid toy cleanup, the metaphor of balance falls short. But why?
Simply put, we can’t do all of that stuff at the same time. In fact, human beings can’t really “balance” more than one action or thought at once. Instead we shift from thing to thing to thing. We may even be able to make that shift quickly- like having a conversation while making dinner. I am actually pretty good at timing out the spaghetti and the meat sauce and making a salad while asking my son about his day at school. But it’s not accurate to say that I am balancing anything. I am just doing many different things lined up in a quick series.
When I really think about it, I have noticed that my “multitasking” abilities essentially allow me to do one mindless thing and one mindful thing at the same time, that’s it. For example, I can stroll down the sidewalk (mindless) while talking with a friend (mindful). I can drive (relatively mindless) while listening to a podcast. If I try to do two mindful things at the same time, like watching Netflix and talking on the phone or doing my taxes or reading a blog post, I end up doing both poorly. It just doesn’t work.
So what does this have to do with work-life balance?
When most people say, “I need to have better “work-life balance” what they’re really saying is that either stuff from work is making them feel overwhelmed or crappy at home or that stuff from home is making them feel overwhelmed or crappy at work. Maybe they’re getting hit in both directions. The problem is that when we think of this problem as a “balance” issue, we are left with only a vague sense of what’s wrong. The metaphor actually masks the truth about the nature of the problem we’re having, leaving us with exactly zero actionable steps we can take to solve the problem.
In the coming weeks, I will present five actions that when taken will lower feelings of overwhelm, while increasing both productivity and subjective well-being. The ultimate goal of this series is to help you “feel less crappy” about all the stuff you need to get done so that you can enjoy your life.
What have you found to be so overwhelming about work in the last year that it has spilled into your home life? What family or personal things have you been unable to leave at home? Leave a comment below and let’s keep talking.